One week later.....

So, here we are about a week since the love of my life passed away. I still can't wrap my head around it most of the time. Some moments i just look at my phone to just check to make sure she's not telling me that she's waiting for me to get to the hospital or needs me to bring something for her. But then I bounce back to reality that I'm actually driving back from the funeral home with her death certificates in a large manilla envelope next to me. Then there's the grieving part. I could be completely fine one minute then something as simple as seeing a movie or commercial that made us laugh can trigger massive amount of tears, then followed by anger because of something that I feel like I should have said one day two months ago, then the cycle starts all over again. Words really can't explain how I've felt over the last week. I used to be excited to come home and see Amy and Lolla, have a few conversations about our day, watch some TV together, laugh and then do it all over again. I'm just not excited to come here and sit in a home that we bought together and did work on together. The vibe and energy that used to be here, is not here any longer. But these are all things that I know I can get over. Grieving is a terrible battle to fight, but I know that I have the strength and support to get through this all.

The things that cannot be changed is the life that Amy and I had together. I can honestly say that even knowing how things turned out, I would do it all over again. I can remember a day a very long time ago that Amy and I were going to a restaurant out in my neck of the woods. We were just friends at the time and it was five or so years since we actually started dating. I remember the moment vividly because it really made me think about love and life. She told me that one of her doctors told her that she'd never live past 40 years old. I was taken quite aback hearing this from her. From the moment I saw her, I knew that this was the girl that I wanted to marry. Then to hear this, it was quite shocking even for my mid-20 year old mind. But it never phased me even to this day. Why does someone like her get to miss out in all the good things in life just because they are told that they won't get to live a "normal" lifespan? How is it fair for someone to get shafted of getting married, buying a car, having a family to call their own, etc? Most guys would have, and did run, when things got rough. I thought that someone had to step up to be with this girl and I really wanted to be that person. It took a few years, but she eventually figured out that I was worth taking a chance on, and the rest is history.

I'm really happy that I was able to give her a life that I know she loved. Yeah, having to go into the hospital and get poked and prodded all the time was never fun for her. But she did it with such a great attitude and was always so positive. Think about this, your worst feeling day, that could have been one of the days that she felt the best. Think about what a shitty attitude you probably had on one of your worst days, she would have been so positive despite the way that she felt. She had a great family and friends that loved her and would have done anything for her. Together we were able to buy a house together and do some work in it together. What tears me up the most is knowing that she only had 6 months in it but had about 2 years worth of projects and ideas for it. But I will do my best to follow through with all of them in her honor. Most of all we had the most perfect little family together. Just the two of us and the pup, Lolla. We really couldn't be happier together running errands or picking up fresh food at the Farmer's Market in town. Our love and respect that we had for each other will certainly be hard to beat. She truly was my best friend in life. To say that I'm going to miss her would be quite the understatement. My heart and soul literally hurt with the loss of Amy, I will certainly be broken for quite a while.

I know she loved the life that we had together. I still would never guessed that our story would end so soon despite what her MD had told her years ago. But I knew that at some point she would likely pass before me. I was willing to suffer this pain I'm feeling now to give her a life full of fun, enjoyment, laughter, excitement and most importantly, love. She deserved it, just like anybody else does.