You did what??

I can hear my mother's voice already, "You did what??" I got a tattoo last night. Yes, a real tattoo. I remember when my sister came home with her first tattoo. My mom was livid when she first found out. She did all she could to hide it but someone tipped my mom off about it. It wasn't me Pam!! Hopefully she won't ground me like she did Pam. Haha! Sorry mom, but here's my story why.......

For the last year or so Amy really wanted a tattoo. We would watch Ink Master and Amy would look at certain artist's Instagram photos for hours trying to find the perfect tattoo. Now, tattoos are highly advised against in the heart transplant world. Her doctors would have been livid if she got one just due to the infection risks. She knew her family would be pissed also. Heck, I even advised her that I didn't think that it was a good idea and tried to talk her out of it. But as you all know, what Amy wants she always tries to find a way. It was important to her, and she had important owl shit to do.

Amy wanted to get something that represented her journey and something to honor her donors. She finally decided on getting a small heart with dates of her transplants on her foot. It was going to be in the spot that the MDs used to check her pulse when she was in the hospital bed. We decided to start putting a bit of cash away towards a "tattoo fund" for when we were ready to go. Amy wanted to wait until after her 2nd transplant to do this so she was healthier and to avoid any lectures from her doctors and nurses. I agreed and also wanted her to think about if she really wanted to do this.

As you all know, Amy's life ended not too long ago. She never did get to get a tattoo like she really wanted to. I feel like it was one of those bucket list items for her and she just wanted to prove that her condition would never stop her from doing anything that she wanted to do. I always struggled about getting one myself. I could never really figure out something that I wanted on my body for the rest of my life. Thank God I never got the Insane Clown Posse joker's cards tattooed on me like I wanted to do 15 years ago. Yikes!! But I really felt that I wanted to do get something to honor Amy and also to remind me of how she lived her life. I decided on an owl, which you all know is her "spirit animal." She always felt a connection to the wisdom, grace, and strength of owls. I also wanted a heart in there. Hearts always remind me of her. They remind me of her strength despite everything she has been through, her warm spirit that still surrounds me, her positive attitude and her incredible life journey.

I contacted a local artist that Amy used to love. She would spend hours looking at her art on Instagram. She instantly agreed to do a piece for me and shared that she just recently lost both her parents, so the story of Amy's passing hit home to her. I later learned that her brother was facing a decision to either go through treatment to try to live on or to just live the rest of his life with no further treatment. I can't imagine being put in that decision. But again, she really understood what I was going through and was truly honored to do this for me. I sat there not knowing what to expect, palms sweating as I wasn't sure if it truly was the right decision. Then the machine started up. All of a sudden I heard a voice in my head, it was Amy's voice, and it said "Suck it up bitch!!" At that moment I knew that I was going to go forward with it. The needles hit my skin, not really a pleasant feeling, but I just remembered that voice in my head. I learned that there are different needles involved in tattooing. Any particular "needle" can have anywhere from about 30 needles down to 1. I had as high as 15 and low as 1 during the couple hours it took. Some hurt more than others, but I thought about Amy's life and all the needle pricks that she had throughout her life. She took each one like a champ and never flinched. So I had to power through this just like she did, I still don't think I got stuck more than she did throughout her life. Some of the music that was playing hit home too, lots of songs that we loved that may not have been super popular by any means, but they kept playing on the artist's Spotify. I knew that Amy was there with me and I know that she would have loved the tattoo.

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for or you're still saying what an idiot I am for getting a tattoo. Haha! Either way, I'm happy with it and I know Amy would love it. It's a constant reminder for me to be a better person. To not let the small things in life get you down and to power through it just like Amy did from some much larger things that not very many people go through in life. It is a reminder to stay positive in the face of negativity. I don't think very many people saw Amy angry, sad, down or upset. She always had a smile on her face, even when she wasn't feeling well or had little energy. A reminder to always be courageous in life and find the strength to get through difficult situations. I still don't know how she went through each operating room door with a smile on her face. I can tell you that most time I was battling tears before each of her surgeries because you really never knew what to expect. Each "minor" surgery to her would have been major to us "normal" people. But she blasted through everything because she was on a mission to live her life the way she wanted to. Like I said earlier, she always had important owl shit to do. Most of all it's a constant reminder of her love for me, her family, friends, and love for life. Her slogan through her first transplant was "Love with owl your heart." I definitely felt that during my short time with her and I still feel her warmth each and every day. They say that some people wear their heart on their sleeve, not sure if I'm really that type of person, but now I wear what I'd like to think is Amy's heart on my sleeve. Or at least a constant reminder of her and to truly love with owl my heart.