Thoughts on life/How am I doing?/Happy Heartiversay/Thank you Courtney

Thoughts on life

Wouldn’t it be nice if you were guaranteed a big house to live in the rest of your life?? Or maybe when you get your driver’s license you get rewarded with your dream car!! I’m still waiting for my GT-R. Or guaranteed your dream job, a great family, enough cash to live a nice life, the list goes on. Unfortunately, there aren’t many guarantees in life. But, if there is one guarantee in this life it is that you’re going to die. No if’s and’s or but’s about that. It’s going to happen to all of us at some point. You’re not even guaranteed a long life! I’ve seen people live well into their 90s and I’ve even been around as a newborn received intense care but ultimately passed away. However, as long as you are here you are the one that can make the best of it while you’re here. Amy was always the type of person who made the best of any situation. Having being told that you were sick with life threatening issues I’m sure had something to do with it. Plus having an amazing family had a profound impact on her as well. To see her remain positive through so much is something that I will always remember and carry with me throughout my life. I hope that one day I can look back at my life and know that I made a profound impact on others like she did. Her legacy and positive attitude will live on in all that knew her and looked up to her. Which brings me to my next piece….

How am I doing?

I’ve had a lot of people ask me this over the last couple months. Sometimes I don’t even know how to answer the question. I do apologize if I haven’t responded back to some of you. It’s nothing personal, just some days I don’t want to talk about it and then I just forget to respond back until I don’t want to talk about it again and the cycle keeps going. Sounds a bit crazy, but if you’ve been in my shoes you’d understand. And to think that any of you out there that are married, one of you is going to go through this at some point in your life. I hope it is you and I also hope that it’s not you. You would never want to go through this, but you also would never want your spouse to go through this either. It’s been pretty rough, not going to lie. Having to live in the house that we bought together, see pictures all over the place, mail still coming to the house in Amy’s name; all constant reminders of her and what I’ve lost. Some days it will make me smile just to think of all the good times we had and other days it drives me crazy and I just want it all to end. But it would be all to easy for me to end things and get rid of the pain. Amy was a fighter and always taught me to “Suck it up buttercup!” Or the ever famous “Suck it up bitch!” She was the perfect example of fighting through everything no matter what the situation was. I could remember coming home from work to her crying in front of her computer because she couldn’t figure out something at work. Or having to hear that she had to have another heart transplant after learning of her constant rejection. Not once did she ever feel sorry for herself or give up on life. She always faced anything that was given to her even up to the very end. I know that her spirit wanted to keep going. The fire inside her was still going even when she passed. But her body just couldn’t handle any more punishment and ultimately gave up. She definitely made me a better person in life. I constantly think of things that she taught me and how I’m a better person because of it. I know that I can face anything in life because of all she taught me and the confidence she always instilled in me. People come and go in our lives all the time. For better or worse I think we all can learn a lesson from each person that crosses our paths. Amy taught me that even if we’re guaranteed to die one day, that we need to guarantee to ourselves that we make the best out of each and every day that we have on this Earth.

Happy Heartiversary

Last week would have been Amy’s third heartiversary from her first heart transplant. Seeing some of the Facebook posts from three years ago brought back some really good memories, but also made me wish things would have went better this last time as well. It also made me think about another family that I’m sure is still going through some pain….

Thank you Courtney

We did find out who Amy’s first donor was a few years ago. Amy wrote to them and they did respond back which was something that Amy always cherished. I won’t go into too much detail about him and everything out of respect for his family. But I do know that his family does check out Amy’s Facebook from time to time, so if any of you are reading this please please please send me a note because I do have some things that Amy always wanted to tell you all. But Courtney seemed like a great person. Everybody had a Courtney story just like everybody had an Amy story. She was fascinated with him and never considered her heart just a heart, it was “Courtney.” I’m a good internet stalker and we found a lot of information about him and read countless stories about him. He was a really good guy and it was a huge loss for his family. But his selfless act let me have another few years with Amy and I’m forever grateful for that. So in closing, thank you again Courtney. I hope that you and Amy have gotten the opportunity to meet each other and become great friends. Know that both of your legacies live on in those that knew and loved you.